Kinky romance? Mcgyver movie of the week? After the mousehead under my bedsheets I am more inclined to believe a chapter from Truman Capote... but alas dear readers this is merely a brief segment out of my kitties colorful life.
Last month I purchased a 'fishing pole' for the kitties, you know the one I'm talking about, cheap plastic 3 piece pole, 3 feet of weak elastic line, and a fuzzy rabbit pelt with a bell attached at the end of the line. A gift to the 'kids' for behaving while I was out shopping.
After putting away the groceries, I unwrapped this toy and assembled it with four eager eyes fixed on my every movement. They were obviously pleased with their reward, and we played for over an hour, until both cats collapsed to the floor and took to napping. I too was weary from watching their antics, and placed the new pole in the 'toy' drawer and went to the couch for my own short but welcome nap. I played a little World of Warcraft (a mere 5 or 6 hours) and fixed some dinner and as I contemplated bedtime I thought to myself that a good rousing game of 'catch the rabbit' might help the kitties to sleep through the night just once...
With plan in hand I wandered over to the toy drawer and opened it up but much to my suprise the pole was missing! I called out to Chaos and Nutmeg, but neither was to be found. I started looking about the house for them discovering tufts of fur and pieces of plastic scattered across the floor in every room! Well it was easy enough to figure what happened to the toy, and where the kids were; under the bed hiding from my anticipated wrath.
So I went into my meaningless lecture on how a proper kitty behaves and the ground rules against breaking toys on the same day they are received and informed them there would be no more fishing poles for bad misbehaving kitties.
A month passed by and it became last week and I was out shopping for groceries again. I spied on a shelf a cat fishing pole toy, and I recalled the hour of fun we all had with the ill fated pole of last months aquisition and impulsively I picked up a new one for the kids. I was certain by now they must have learned their lesson. So I go home, and I put away my groceries, all the while anticipating the same fun we all had last month with the cat 'pole'. I was telling the kitties that they are in for a big treat while I put away a replacment 12 hour candles from a late night power outage we experienced earlier in the month.
That is when I noticed one of my votif candles was missing, and at my feet was one lone wooden matchstick the only remaining survivor from my nearly full box of kitchen matches.
I tore the house apart looking for those missing items, under the couches, chairs, behind the tv, every known hiding place I could conceive or access. Nothing. Zip. Nada. I called a 'family' meeting with my two vandals with known priors and layed down the law. I told them that this was NOT acceptable behavior for two growing young adults to exhibit and that no one was pointing fingers or placing blame, but I wanted my matches and candle returned at once. No one talked.
I pulled Chaos to the side and told him I knew Nutmeg put him up to it, she is a manipulative alleycat and he is so naive and vulnerable, I was aware he didnt know what he was doing by going along with her, but all would be forgiven if he would just show me the loot. He is gullible but no rat. He gave me nothing.
I then approached Nutmeg, smiling sweetly, I told her that Chaos broke and told me everything, how she knocked the items down to the floor and made him stash the loot in a panic to try to cover up her evil deed. But she looked me straight in the eye as if to say 'prove it!' and started licking herself...
Well I was furious! I told both cats that I HAD brought them a present, but they would never ever see it again and I marched to the laundry room door and said 'Yes! It is going into the forbidden room, never to return!' I went inside and put the packaged toy up in the cabinet above the dryer, and slammed the door closed as I came out. It took a good 8 to 10 hours of playing World of Warcraft to calm me down, and I went to bed miserable.
I awoke to darkness for some reason not often known even to me, but certainly not
uncommon in recent years, and I wandered towards the kitchen in a half sleep state looking for some orange juice. I saw a dim light glowing in the kitchen and thought to myself 'we must have had another power outage'and the battery charged storm light designed to come on when the power goes off was balefully glowing to somewhat light my way.
I slowly ambled towards the light. But just as I was approaching the laundry room I noticed the door was ajar. Thinking to myself in my sleepy state that a door cant be a jar and this door most certainly should not have been open, I lumbered back to my bedroom and attached my glasses to my face for a somewhat better view of the situation, rapidly running scenarios of how to deal with intruders, grabbing my cane for good measure and boldly approaching the now crimescene. I looked around thinking to myself what a bad idea it was to allow this room to be the only cluttered managerie of disarrayed storage in the house, even I couldnt tell if anything was missing or messed with, with the exception of the cabinet door above the dryer...
You guessed it, the fishing pole was missing! I charged out of the laundry room noticing for the first time that the light in the kitchen was coming from the refrigerator door! I turned on an overhead light and saw strawberries scattered all across the floor, and a brand new package of pre formed shortcakes had been torn open and half eaten. In and around the debris strewn everywhere were pieces of paper, plastic and fur each no bigger than an inch or two from the brand new packaged fishing pole.
The criminal cats of course were no where to be found and I resigned myself to performing a midnight custodial service and tagged and bagged the evidence as if I was in a dream sequence of CSI or Criminal Minds.
Thoroughly exhausted I dragged myself back to the bedroom where sat my two innocent looking kitties cleaning themselves as if oblivious to the recent events. To tired to deal with them I crawled deeply into my bed ready to resume my much needed rest.
But something scratched my back when I slid into bed. it felt odd, I couldnt recognize the sensation. It certainly was not the kind of tactile experience one expects from the sheets or comforter. I tossed back the covers and rolled out of bed once again.
There staring at me with beady little lifeless button eyes was the head of a big overstuffed plushy mouse, also a new toy that had never been removed from the package. Not only that, but pieces of chewed candle, matchsticks everywhere, and tiny pieces of fur and plastic scattered randomly all over my bed beneath the sheets.
The first thing to come to mind of course was the scene from the Godfather, what kind of message were these mafia furballs sending me? 'Don'ta messa witha our toys!'??? Or was it some form of feline Santeria?
I grabbed my comforter and slept on the couch with one eye open...
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